| Monday, October 30, 2006 |
| Grey's Anatomy Anyone? |
It's a first!!!!!, not only has a story like mine reached Grey's Anatomy, (well, sort of, I'm not holding my hand over any stoves, but it goes to show that some truth is stranger than fiction huh?)....I have officially received my first-ever "you're a whiny bitch" comment....I admit, I was shocked, stunned, taken aback, a bit hurt and frankly, a little puzzled....I have to say that when I first started here it was with some trepidation....I figured I'd get all kinds of "you suck" comments since I was sharing something so personal and in doing so, making myself kind of an easy target....
....no one was more surprised than me by all the positive feedback I got instead....since I've been at this for quite a while now without incident, I guess I just figured that the people who wanted to throw stones weren't going to do it here (I guess they all stayed over on The Uncivil Litigator?).... I admit, I decided to mark this milestone for a few of my own selfish reasons, but it occurs to me that if you've failed the bar exam, chances are you too will deal with people who judge you, assume the worst about your intelligence and attack your attempts to pick yourself up and keep on going....
The blog is therapy for me...really and truly....when I first went to see a therapist after failing, one of his suggestions was that I learn how to stop being so ashamed....dealing with failure is something that none of us want any experience in....when I started to figure out that sharing this bar experience with anyone who asked about the bar...."Um nope, I didn't pass, but mainly it's my pride that hurts." and smiling, instead of acting like I had an STD or something, my life started to get better....so I'm not making excuses about why I'm here....
I espouse anything that makes you feel better right now....as long it doesn't hurt anybody else, it's not self-destructive and it's legal....this is what I do---I write....
I was kind of surprised that anyone would take the time to write and tell me that I should just "get over it" (the bar I guess)....and here was the killer, that I should just "suck it up"....probably that one little statement is what set me off....I lived for almost 6 years with a sadist prick of husband who loved nothing better than to make me cry, and scream at me to "suck it up" when I finally did....
The beauty of my life now is that I don't have to anymore.... I don't have to "suck anything up", but I do place a very high value on standing up for myself these days, probably because I was so bad at it for so long....I have learned that people like my ex abuse and demean people mainly because they have so very little self-worth of their own.... the only way they feel superior is by making others inferior, abusive people have to get their power from somewhere....
Try and remember that when people have snotty comments about your not passing or look down on you because you took it more than once...ask yourself what kind of a person kicks someone else when they're down? What is wrong with this person that they feel good you failed? Are they really just scared shitless that it could happen to them too? You be the graceful one love and if none of that helps, realize that they are probably lousy in the sack, mean people usually are.... |
posted by Bar Bitch @ 9:54 AM   |
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| 3 Comments: |
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Good to know you are still at it, bar bitch (I'm quite formal, I still have difficulty calling you that). Anyway, your site definitely gives me hope, makes me feel better, etc. I have failed the California Bar Exam more times than I care to admit and I literally think about it everyday, every waking goddamn hour. The worst is googling articles on famous people who have failed multiple times and then they get outed (Attorney General of Florida Charlie Crist fails 3 times, the mayor of LA 4 times, Beau Biden, candidate for attorney general in Delaware - 4 bleeding times!) You think: hey, I'll pass, and it'll be over, but then I look at these poor sods. Is this what we are in for?
I wrote you some time ago and wondered if you had checked out adaptibar online. It was a godsend for me (not in California; that is a whole 'nother animal). Did you ever end up using it? I encourage you to check it out if you haven't already. It turns the MBE into a damn game (at least for me it did).
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Hey Anon...
Thanks for coming back by....never did check out that adaptibar,MBE really isn't one of my own scary beasts, but it sounds like something that lots of people could use huh?
Keep on with that Cali bar...it's an ass kicker, but keep the faith!!!!
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I am about to take the Cali Bar for the first time in July. Everyone I tell that to has a story of a friend who has already failed the Cali bar like 3 or 4 times.
....what did I get myself into!?!?
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Good to know you are still at it, bar bitch (I'm quite formal, I still have difficulty calling you that). Anyway, your site definitely gives me hope, makes me feel better, etc. I have failed the California Bar Exam more times than I care to admit and I literally think about it everyday, every waking goddamn hour. The worst is googling articles on famous people who have failed multiple times and then they get outed (Attorney General of Florida Charlie Crist fails 3 times, the mayor of LA 4 times, Beau Biden, candidate for attorney general in Delaware - 4 bleeding times!) You think: hey, I'll pass, and it'll be over, but then I look at these poor sods. Is this what we are in for?
I wrote you some time ago and wondered if you had checked out adaptibar online. It was a godsend for me (not in California; that is a whole 'nother animal). Did you ever end up using it? I encourage you to check it out if you haven't already. It turns the MBE into a damn game (at least for me it did).