| Sunday, May 06, 2007 |
| Let it Be.....for Beatles and Bar-takers..... |
Nope, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth....I've bought an adorable little dollhouse of a condo in Virginia.....I'm still living between houses that are about 2 hours and 2 states apart until the closing mid May.....I'm loving my new job and the security that flows with having a little bit of money again....
I'm trying to cope with the knowledge that a man I am absolutely mad about is leaving for the west coast and then the "war" that supposedly isn't for a whopping 16 months....I might also mention that he isn't "madly in love with me" and I do quote......and my mother is ill....so much so that she might not make it through this time....
I know that so many of the people who visit my site are here looking for consolation....something to hold onto.....just so you know, I sometimes come here for the same reason.....
While I was studying / flunking the bar exam perpetually the thing I struggled with most was learning how to just be.....and I do mean that in the most Buddhist-zen sense......it is really something to try and understand how to be in only the moment you're facing....not the moments behind you regret and not the ones ahead you fear.....
I am looking at a lot of be-ing right now.....those of you gearing up for summer, like me, have to try and focus on only the day at hand.....I want to remind every one of you that you are stronger than you think..... |
posted by Bar Bitch @ 9:17 AM   |
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| Saturday, April 14, 2007 |
| Unreasonable people rule the world |
Wow.....what an outpouring.....I am so touched....really you have no idea.....there were over 500 congrats since my last posting, and thanks from the bottom of my heart to every one of you who cared about my ongoing bar drama, even though I can't possibly post them all.....I had no idea so many people had a vested interest in me passing the bar (finally).....
I'd like to write a little tonight about being "unreasonable" .....I have to tell you, so many important people in my life doubted me during this retaking process.....my family at times, my friends, coworkers......it just seemed unrealistic to most people that I would ever pass if I hadn't passed when I'd already taken three and then four shots at this thing.....and I'm not knocking any of them for thinking that way....some of them wanted to save me the grief that is so much a part of not making it, again and again.....I can't count how many times someone told me....don't try again...don't put yourself through it.....
Really though, their responses are reflective of a very common aspect of human nature, if we're honest enough to realize it....most of us are just not fighters....if it gets hard enough, we quit......if someone tells us we suck and won't make it.....we believe them.....if a highly respected group of bar examiners tells us we don't understand enough law to pass their damnable test......we might just think they're right......
I'm not trying to point out what a serious bad ass I am.....I had no idea what kind of capacity I had to slug it out until this thing happened to me.....I didn't know I had it in me to keep on when it looked pretty dumb to keep trying.....what I found amidst all this failure was belief in myself....and that my lovies is the magic bullet for passing the bar.....I learned how to be honest enough with myself to say, "I didn't prepare enough for the first test and that's why I failed"....and subsequently I learned after the tests that followed to say, "I put in the requisite amount of study and I know my answers were sufficient to pass....I don't understand why I haven't passed, but it isn't because I don't know enough law to pass a test that is supposed to test minimum competency....."
Honestly....it is my certain belief that something is amiss with the examining going on here in NC....I understand that the Feb passage rate here in NC was hovering around the 30's.....I find that outrageous.....having taken so many exams in this state, I can say they seem to be more about limiting admittance than they do about testing for broad based legal competence.....I'm also interested in the fact that as more people apply to take the test (every cycle has produced "record numbers" here in NC)....fewer and fewer are passing.....I encourage everyone to take a hard look at their own state and remember that the guardians of the gate have a vested economic interest in not admitting too many lawyers to practice......also remember that a lot of us who fail the bar simply don't try again....
Bar study will continue business as usual, since I have absolutely zero desire to practice in NC....I think every one probably knows NC has been more of a personal vendetta than anything.....
For those who may be looking for a reason to not quit.....I hope my story provides it for you.....you are the only person who knows what is reasonable.....whether you've spent the time and whether you know the law.....don't let anyone or any bar exam convince you to give up on yourself.... |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 10:19 PM |
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| Saturday, April 07, 2007 |
| Drum Roll Please...... |
Well...I finally got to see what the passing letter looks like....if you can believe it, after an overwhelming 4 failing attempts, the bar bitch passed on try number 5....after all the grief and self-doubt, the moment is finally here....am I excited? Don't know yet, I'm still numb...hoping they don't send a letter saying it was a mistake....
In an extremely ironic twist of fate.....I accepted an awesome job for a national title company two weeks ago....only problem is that I uh...downplayed my legal education, (uh yeah, I'm not proud of it, but the job was fantastic and I got freakin sick of hearing how "overqualified" I was b/c of the law degree...) so now, if I want to keep this fabulous job in VA....where they are all psyched for me to take the VA Bar, to the tune of paying for the bad boy....I can't even mention that I'm officially a NC lawyer...oh the tangled web we weave...
While I am thrilled, I'm still feeling strangely angry....I still feel disgusted over the whole process....after the amazing amount of time I've devoted to this endeavor, I can honestly say I think there is absolutely something going on that is highly questionable with the NC Bar, (in fairness this last test is the worst set of essays I've ever put out, bar none... I know that for certain, I have no idea who the hell is grading these things, and what they are using a standard, but I think its whacked)....
I'm hoping that all of you got the news you were hoping for....retakers especially..... |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 10:41 AM |
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| Saturday, March 17, 2007 |
| A Bar Bitch in Need...... |
Well.....I have been doing ongoing job searching while debating which bar to tackle next....I'm swinging back and forth, back and forth over DC or VA....
I've been asked back for what looks like a fourth and final interview with a galactic superpower of a firm in VA for a land acquisition team who doesn't seem to mind my JD status and loves the fact I can really read a survey (who knew?) .....so I'm leaning in the VA direction.....which means I'm going to be in need of advice on the VA exam....and will be needing VA review materials.....hit me up people and make me some offers eh? |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 9:53 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 13, 2007 |
| Touchy since you Flunked? |
Dear Bar Bitch,
Before I failed the bar, I was one of those people that others had the burden of disproving whether they were right or wrong on a given subject.
Now, I feel as if my credibility has been shot, and I can't tell if people have become more comfortable challenging me, now placing the burden on me, or I've simply become more defensive.
This seems to be a real problem (perhaps just in my head), as it was a significant part of my personality before (perhaps this was a bad thing?).
I don't think one realizes how much his/her ability to get things done rests on other's faith in them until something like this happens.
Certainly, I didn't have all the answers before, but having others think that you do definitely gets you a lot of traction. Any thoughts? I know this seems rather heady.
This letter was appealing to me for a few reasons....I think it's pretty reflective of the "crisis of faith" most of us go through once we've failed the bar....I also liked it because I thought the writer was pretty damned candid....introspection is difficult, as is honest self appraisal....since I think most of us go through something that feels very much like what this guy is facing (and admitting) I thought it may appeal to the masses as well....
The beauty of being able to say you're in law school.....and later saying that you have a law degree....and then having passed the bar is a whole hell of a lot of external validation.....and don't we all love that? And why not? People will assume you are a smart little fucker before you even open your mouth....just as they will assume you are a bottom dweller who wants to sue the entire free entire free world to line your pockets and figure you are morally bankrupt as well....that is what a lawyer does best right?
I don't need to convice people I'm intelligent, and neither should you, your intellect will likely shine through every time you open your mouth and also in knowing when to keep it shut....if they feel more comfortable challenging me because I haven't been admitted to the bar yet....well so be it....the fact that I haven't suceeded yet can hardly erase all the sucess I've enjoyed up to this point....it doesn't change the fact that I am still am bright, capable and a good debater....
Passing the bar will will mean nothing if we have no faith in our selves prior to that point......if you feel worthless without that validation of your ability, there is some serious trouble I suspect......I guess what I'm saying here is that none of has all the answers....and it's always ok to be honest enough to own up to that.....some of the most intelligent people I know are comfortable saying, I don't know the answer, but I can find out for you.... |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 1:45 PM |
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| Thursday, March 08, 2007 |
| Conspiracy Anyone? |
| An ah ha moment! If you can believe it, the bar actually sat this guy across from me during the test....a patent attorney from DC who also has taken the NC bar three times and still not passed was on his left....I met the DC guy at my second test and we've been friends since.....I'm putting the link on for those of you who may be interested....do I buy into conspiracy theories? Not sure yet....but hell yeah I'm interested, this guy has a story that sounds exactly like mine..... www.statebarwatch.net |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 9:34 AM |
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| Monday, March 05, 2007 |
| For the little pricks who wish they were bigger.... |
I do not often lose my temper....it really just isn't in my nature....frankly I think it reflects more on me and my lack of character than whoever / whatever it is that has just pushed me over the edge, and usually I'm over it by the next day anyway....but today people....today is a day that I am giving myself permission....
To the Sanctimonious Little Prick who took the time to swing by the blog and let me know he was certain the law examiners didn't write a crim law question without crimes or a professional conduct question without violations, if you didn't actually sit in NC and read the questions yourself, spare me your smug pecksniffian bullshit and unsupported legal analysis huh?
As always I have this to say....there is a very special place waiting for those of you out there who delight in the misfortunes of others....very, very, very bad karma...... |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 10:48 AM |
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