| Monday, September 25, 2006 |
| Hey Bar Bitch...Quit your Bitchin' |
I think most of you probably guessed that I really buy very heavily into the idea of karma....which is not to say that I try to do good simply because I am hoping for cosmic pay off....but if you look at the world in this way I think you'll begin to see that your life is forever altered...
In spite of the bar, I am still at peace (take that you bitch)....but, I will tell you the truth...today I was feeling a little sorry for myself.... my boss is having open heart surgery and because of my lackluster performance on this last test I can't take care of the business myself for the next three months while he recuperates.... and our two biggest clients pulled out when they found out I hadn't got the license.....(umm yes, I do feel guilty...it's my nature) I had a fabulous second date lined up for the weekend....and for reasons still unbeknownst to me he pulled the absolute worst guy move in the book.....he no-showed....since he called twice last week to confirm, I am still bewildered over it all....
So here I am...wallowing in bar-bitchy, self-pity....and this is what the universe sent me my loves....just in case you didn't read it in the comment section:
This is a great blog site and I am so glad I found it! For a change, I could smile about my own feelings of do it again until it is done. I have a positive attitude, work in court every day handling cases, and I know I can practice law - I will conquer the exam.
I would like advice on better material for 2/2007 Florida. Like yourself, I have endured many obstacles. My fiance, his mother and our dog - all died from cancer after graduation from law school. None of knew about the cancer in each case until it was too late. I was devastated and I walked away from the bar exam. I could not get the nightmares out of my head and guilt about studying all those years. I learned how to live again(went to a grief specialist and a test anxiety specialist) and a few years later back to the exam.
I also met a great guy, remarried, and he is presently Army deployed. So while sitting for bar exams, I have worked full time by day and study at night. I also sat for the Real Estate Exam, passed the school exam and am getting ready to sit for the State exam. Since I do not yet have my bar license, the part time rental properties we own make up for the lower salary I make as a law clerk for a government agency. That's OK - at least I have a great job.
My heart goes out to those who have passed and no work or not passed and work in jobs they hate. I have heard people make snide comments that they would "die" if they did not pass and I always respond as follows - I have cared for loved ones and seen them die on life support battled the nightmares and won.
Nothing can possibly make me want to die, especially a test!!!! I thank God everyday for what I have.
Here is my frustration > Florida changed the score requirements from 131 to 136. That may not sound like much but that is my obstacle. I would have passed under the old requirement of 131. I have hit the 131-135 range.
My question now is what do I do to make my property and contract MBE question scores higher to hit 136? I have tried BrBri, PMBR and Micromash. I am considering a whole new program since these did not work effectively for me.
Is there a suggestion from anyone who is retaking the bar or from others who have managed to get over this hurdle? If so I would love to hear from you or someone who knows someone who has finally hit that pot of gold! In the meanwhile, I would love to also chat with others who are dealing with our exam challenges.
Love and peace to all -Kathy 5:02 PM, September 24, 2006
Kathy----
I am awe inspired by you....when I read your post I'm not ashamed to say that I had tears rolling down my face....when I started this blog I felt so alone and so hopeless....and I thought, there must be others out there like me and maybe I could change that for some of us....today is one of the days I feel like maybe what we do here touches lives in some small way and for that I'm beyond grateful...
Thank you for such an amazing story....I've not dealt with even a tenth of what you have in your life...and yet here you are and you are so full of grace....I know everybody here wishes you the very best sweetie--- |
posted by Bar Bitch @ 4:21 PM   |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, September 20, 2006 |
| For Anyone Else Who Still Hasn't Passed the Bar.... |
I want to say a little something for anyone else who has failed the bar exam.....mainly because I've failed it myself.....(many times, but please don't let that freak you out--please read the blog, it is highly unlikely you have circumstances as unusual as mine).
....and no.....I haven't passed it yet.....but I know I will....because I know I won't quit trying.
I'm sorry you've failed.....I understand how you feel....I understand that you can't sleep at night....I understand that you feel ok until you wake up and remember again that you've failed and you feel sick all over again......that you probably can't eat....that you can't face the people that you love...that you really can't face people you fucking hate....and that you feel like you want to hide from the world.....I know how hopeless you feel....I know how crushed you feel.....
I promise that eventually the feelings fade....I've pushed through them myself and actually smile these days... but I've been dealing with all this for quite a while obviously....and I don't wish that for any of you...but I want you to at least know you aren't alone with these kinds of feelings.... (of course maybe I was alone in feeling this way---in which case, chalk me up to being a basket case and caveat emptor in blog reading, such and so forth)
We who are groomed to be the absolute best are not much accustomed to failure....and it is brutal when we fail.....oh god....it is so very brutal.....
But.....having been where you've been.....and having failed more than once (and survived)....I've realized that self worth really has nothing to do with this test....I've found that I'm ok with the failure and I don't fear it so much any more.....
Being fearless is a good thing....I promise....sometimes we have to use the things we are given.... |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 9:41 AM |
|
|
|
|
| Who Failed the Bar Exam? |
Honestly I thought when I came back here for my last posting it would be utterly euphoric.....but I can't say that it is.
I didn't pass.
I am still not sure how that is possible but it's true. I"ve been waiting to write till the bar saw fit to finally release my scores.....apparently the record number of cheating at this last exam meant they had to seal results and such.......
I brought my MBE's back up to semi-whopping proportions....posting a scaled 155 my lovies.....but somehow in the world of NC essay scaling I am just not able to dance the dance.....don't really know why....this exam didn't seem so hard.....except for that insane civ pro question I totally screwed the pooch on.....
The way I see it....these last two tests I've failed by the skin of my teeth....which hurts yes....but hell....if I keep raising that MBE score....they'll have no choice but to let me in yes? Dirty bastards..... |
| posted by Bar Bitch @ 9:12 AM |
|
|
|
|
| About Me |
|
|
| Previous Post |
|
| Archives |
|
|
| Links |
|
|
| Powered by |
 |
|
